After dutifully and carefully keeping to my schedule for the last two weeks - and being stable without meds - I went out for a drink last night. I met some friends I hadn't seen in months and I enjoyed myself tremendously since I had pretty much been a recluse for a while.
I had only two drinks over a 2 hour period, and I left everybody at the bar to be home by 12:15 am.
So I was careful and everything went fine. Well...no. I didn't get enough sleep and I woke up feeling very out of sorts this morning. And a bit late. And somewhat hungover, though I can't figure out how I could be hungover on two drinks.
Both getting up late and feeling hungover disrupted my schedule, and I started destabilising. Incredible. It really didn't take much.
I was able to reset my schedule by this afternoon, but still. Even small changes make a big difference - which means that I don't have much leeway in varying my schedule at all. A darned short leash I'm on.
I'm not thrilled that I have to choose between socialising with some of my friends and being stable. I'd much rather be stable, but I begining to get worried that I'll turn into one of those single old men with 15 dogs in their yard and car.
3 July 2009
After the post yesterday, I visited a friend, and with one thing another, we went clubbing. Got home a 2 am. Yes it was great. And yes, it was not the most sensible idea.
At first I felt a little nervous being among the crowd, having been slightly reclusive for the last six or seven months. But then it was ok. Had a good time.
Today though, I was wondering why I didn't get any office work done, and then I couldn't decide what order I wanted to do my chores after work.
And then about 4 pm it hit me. I was manic. Slap on the forehead here. Of course. I only slept for 4 hours last night.
What next to do? I need to get my schedule back in order post haste before this mania derails my moods and I destabilise completely.
So I kept the two main pieces of my afternoon schedule - my walk with my dogs, and then my blog here. Didn't bother to do anything else. And even though I've been invited out for dinner, I'm planning to leave early to go to sleep at my regular time so I can get up at my regular time.
Today's schedule and activities are mucked up. Time to close the door on today and restart keeping stable tomorrow. It's okay to do this. I just have to make sure I don't make my moods worse before I go to sleep tonight.
Will remain slightly nervous for the next two days until I'm sure I'm back to stable.
The night out sure was fun. But I have to be careful of the price to pay for it. Or to plan in advance so I won't destabilise. Spur of the moment decisions are so not the way to go.
6 July 2009
Recovered from Clubbing, finally.
You might notice the little discrepancy in dates. Here's the reason.
Went clubbing on the night of the 2 July.
Was manic on the 3 July.
Got somewhat depressed on the 4 July.
Fought to not get too depressed on the 5 July - mixed results.
Eventually restabilised today the 6 July.
The blog isn't the only thing that suffered - pretty much everything I was planning to do was. I'm still trying to reestabilish the finer points of my schedule. And all from one night of clubbing.
I occasionally get called a spoilsport or antisocial for refusing to go to parties or to go out late at night. That's because while everybody else would recover in one day, it can take me four days.
What other people expect of me is not fair on me. They don't pay the price, I do.
Did I mention I don't like the holiday seasons. Same as the clubbing above, except the recovery time is measured in weeks.