Comments on 18 Symptoms of Depression. Taken from when the website was on Wordpress.
So I take the pills and plod through the daily Mom / Wife stuff. I WAS an accountant…but now I simply can’t handle the stress of being responsible for one little thing. Having to be responsible for any task makes me anxious & stressed – I fucked up so many times, let people down so many times that I can’t bear to hurt anyone anymore. Right now it’s midday, I’m in my nightie and dressing gown…I should be cleaning the bathroom, doing washing, doing ironing, but my body is so so heavy all I want to do is curl up into a ball and sleep. BUT I can’t …so I’ll make myself do the bare minimum to make it look like I care, and to make my daughter’s afternoon nice. I don’t open up any more to the people that have always said, ”We love you, we can help you” because I’ve failed them so many times.
I don’t want to talk on the phone, see visitors, go places…..but I fetch my little one from school and make all the right noises with the other mums. I help out at school, I go to church when my little one wants to. My husband has NO idea what to do with me. I closed off to him when I found a message from him to his ex saying he stays only for our daughter. I’m NEVER putting my heart out there ever again. I’m just too fragile. His be-all-and-end-all is our daughter so he’ll always put up with me as I was the one that enabled him to have the daughter he thought he’d never have. I just wish I could lie down , fall asleep, and never wake up again…..and that him, his daughter and my 2 other sons wouldn’t be affected by that. I wish I could die and not have to kill myself. It’s easier to handle a natural death than a suicide.
I’m a year and bit deep now of my second serious bout like this. Can see light at the end of the tunnel hopefully. Tommorow I’ll get back on track. Tomorrow, always tomorrow. Unless I don’t get up at a good time, or if the wrong person tries to get in touch. or put everything together ready to start an actual productive day and do nothing.
I just wish there was more that I could do. I know that I should give him space and I do, but I also want to know if there’s anyway that I can be there for him, in a way that doesn’t make him uncomfortable. If that means just sitting around and watching tv with him, I would love to do that. But is that still asking a lot?
The big difference is that I am not manic. I was switching between being “normal” and mildly depressed for years and am now stuck in a moderate to severe depression for about a year.
I live with my parents and can’t finish the last paper to finish my degree. For one year I haven’t done anything and I am so embarrassed and too scared to contact my professor.
My mother is severly depressed too. I am scared to get treatment because I fear that my health insurance will cause me even more problems then. I am lost
My husband has difficulty maintaining a job and there is a pattern of behavior at each place of employment. He usually gets irritated at others who get to keep their job for being slackers and yet if he says anything to them or management, he is the bad guy. He is always looking for the holy grail job, but he seems to be living out the same job no matter who the co-workers are or place of employment. He often sabotages our date nights which I had so looked forward to having a good time. He recently interviewed for a job which he swore not to get his hopes up about. He got to researching about whether his license would transfer to the next state and was devastated to find out that it didn’t and he would have to put in re-training for that class in that state.
Another disappointment was he wanted to go to see a drive in movie with me something we had not done before, but didn’t realize that the drive ins were only open on weekends. We went to a normal theater, but I might as well have gone alone because he did not seem to be enjoying himself during the movie. I didn’t bother asking him what his favorite part of the movie was or anything. He had a bad headache and he asked me what restaurant I wanted to go to. I said Wendy’s because he was driving that direction, not that I really wanted to go. He drove right on by it and drove around aimlessly before he asked me again later where I wanted to go and I said Panera and so we got take out from there. I didn’t know why he wanted to eat or drive around if his head hurt. I have no idea how to lift his spirits or my own. He depends on me emotionally and mentally. I don’t mind listening to his concerns or hearing him vent, but it gets old over and over hearing the same issue that is never solved.
The doctor said it was a temporary state of debility triggered by some negative life events at that time. On the whole people can not believe i can be depressed as my persona is one of an extrovert…..or so I thought as what I have realised is that it is my manic episodes that people know/ remember me for and that, being honest, I enjoy being. I have had weekly CBT since then and for over a year I have felt fine, ‘fixed’, but things have slowly fallen apart again in the past couple of months.
I am now convinced I am losing everything: mind, job, friends, family a future. My GF found this site….she is my rock. Reading this has forced me to realise that I need help, that I am not the only person who feels scared or physically sick at even the sound of a text arriving on my phone or hiding in the bathroom when the door bell goes, that this may not be fixed per se but only managed…..that writing this reply has already lifted a weight off my mind. Where I go from here I do not know, but at least I know I have to do something….
Home > Depression
So I take the pills and plod through the daily Mom / Wife stuff. I WAS an accountant…but now I simply can’t handle the stress of being responsible for one little thing. Having to be responsible for any task makes me anxious & stressed – I fucked up so many times, let people down so many times that I can’t bear to hurt anyone anymore. Right now it’s midday, I’m in my nightie and dressing gown…I should be cleaning the bathroom, doing washing, doing ironing, but my body is so so heavy all I want to do is curl up into a ball and sleep. BUT I can’t …so I’ll make myself do the bare minimum to make it look like I care, and to make my daughter’s afternoon nice. I don’t open up any more to the people that have always said, ”We love you, we can help you” because I’ve failed them so many times.
I don’t want to talk on the phone, see visitors, go places…..but I fetch my little one from school and make all the right noises with the other mums. I help out at school, I go to church when my little one wants to. My husband has NO idea what to do with me. I closed off to him when I found a message from him to his ex saying he stays only for our daughter. I’m NEVER putting my heart out there ever again. I’m just too fragile. His be-all-and-end-all is our daughter so he’ll always put up with me as I was the one that enabled him to have the daughter he thought he’d never have. I just wish I could lie down , fall asleep, and never wake up again…..and that him, his daughter and my 2 other sons wouldn’t be affected by that. I wish I could die and not have to kill myself. It’s easier to handle a natural death than a suicide.
I’m a year and bit deep now of my second serious bout like this. Can see light at the end of the tunnel hopefully. Tommorow I’ll get back on track. Tomorrow, always tomorrow. Unless I don’t get up at a good time, or if the wrong person tries to get in touch. or put everything together ready to start an actual productive day and do nothing.
I just wish there was more that I could do. I know that I should give him space and I do, but I also want to know if there’s anyway that I can be there for him, in a way that doesn’t make him uncomfortable. If that means just sitting around and watching tv with him, I would love to do that. But is that still asking a lot?
The big difference is that I am not manic. I was switching between being “normal” and mildly depressed for years and am now stuck in a moderate to severe depression for about a year.
I live with my parents and can’t finish the last paper to finish my degree. For one year I haven’t done anything and I am so embarrassed and too scared to contact my professor.
My mother is severly depressed too. I am scared to get treatment because I fear that my health insurance will cause me even more problems then. I am lost
My husband has difficulty maintaining a job and there is a pattern of behavior at each place of employment. He usually gets irritated at others who get to keep their job for being slackers and yet if he says anything to them or management, he is the bad guy. He is always looking for the holy grail job, but he seems to be living out the same job no matter who the co-workers are or place of employment. He often sabotages our date nights which I had so looked forward to having a good time. He recently interviewed for a job which he swore not to get his hopes up about. He got to researching about whether his license would transfer to the next state and was devastated to find out that it didn’t and he would have to put in re-training for that class in that state.
Another disappointment was he wanted to go to see a drive in movie with me something we had not done before, but didn’t realize that the drive ins were only open on weekends. We went to a normal theater, but I might as well have gone alone because he did not seem to be enjoying himself during the movie. I didn’t bother asking him what his favorite part of the movie was or anything. He had a bad headache and he asked me what restaurant I wanted to go to. I said Wendy’s because he was driving that direction, not that I really wanted to go. He drove right on by it and drove around aimlessly before he asked me again later where I wanted to go and I said Panera and so we got take out from there. I didn’t know why he wanted to eat or drive around if his head hurt. I have no idea how to lift his spirits or my own. He depends on me emotionally and mentally. I don’t mind listening to his concerns or hearing him vent, but it gets old over and over hearing the same issue that is never solved.
The doctor said it was a temporary state of debility triggered by some negative life events at that time. On the whole people can not believe i can be depressed as my persona is one of an extrovert…..or so I thought as what I have realised is that it is my manic episodes that people know/ remember me for and that, being honest, I enjoy being. I have had weekly CBT since then and for over a year I have felt fine, ‘fixed’, but things have slowly fallen apart again in the past couple of months.
I am now convinced I am losing everything: mind, job, friends, family a future. My GF found this site….she is my rock. Reading this has forced me to realise that I need help, that I am not the only person who feels scared or physically sick at even the sound of a text arriving on my phone or hiding in the bathroom when the door bell goes, that this may not be fixed per se but only managed…..that writing this reply has already lifted a weight off my mind. Where I go from here I do not know, but at least I know I have to do something….
Home > Depression