When I’m manic, I feel as if I can get everything I want done. And I can!! The energy is there, and the clarity of thought, and anything I think I might want to do, I can do.
I’ve learned how to curb the mania anger and the reckless taking on too many projects, which leaves me with mania energy to focus on what I want to do.
I’ve gotten a frequent criticism from family and friends that my mania triggers depression, but it doesn’t. I’ll get the depression anyway.
But I do know that I'll cycle into depression in about a week's time and all my bright plans will crash.
My take on this is the use the mania to do as much as I can because the depression will do me in and stop me from doing anything.
My equation is as follows.
Use the mania to get 2 to 3 weeks worth of stuff done. In depression, nothing gets done. Total stuff done in two weeks is 2-3 weeks.
Use the mellow mania and get 1 week worth of stuff done. In depression, nothing gets done. Total stuff done in two weeks is one week.
So I come off worse, and each depression episode pushes me back further.
My solution is to use the manic energy as much as I can, in the hope that it outweighs the depression.
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3 April 2007 (The Red Pill or the Blue Pill)
I've been up since 4 am working on the website. With only 4 hours of sleep. Which of course means that I'm manic.
I feel as if I can get everything I want done. Which would be true if I got up at 4 am every morning. But I do know that I'll cycle into depression in about a week's time and all my bright plans will crash.
So, I have two options. Option One is to use the mania to get as much done as I can before the depression closes in. Option Two is to try to do the same stuff on all the days in the hope that a stable schedule will hold off the depression.
Do I take the red pill or the blue pill?