Why Aleksei has no Antlers


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13 Dec 2011

‘twas the month before Christmas,

And all through the land,

The creatures were whispering,

Isn’t it grand.

Santa’s looking, to pull on his sleigh,

New animals, cos reindeer are so passé.

Besides, traditional creatures of yore,

Aren’t fast enough

To avoid planes or the stray bullet or four.

What we need are creatures who

Are black like the night,

Swift on their feet, and no noses of light.

And if on the naughty list your name should appear,

A flash of the sharp fangs, and on your ass there will be,

A small reminder that 2012 better be a good year.

(None of this unreachable socks in which to put coal,

Unless you have a 20’ aluminium pole)

The kiddos all decided to give it a go,

We are fast and we’ll help Santa with his ho ho ho.

Delivering presents and the occasional nip

To the deserving on this midnight trip

So last Friday they made a quick trip, to the North Pole

Santa said yes, gladly, you’ll all fit the role

And your coats are perfect for high altitude cold

But there’s one little problem we have with the boy

He has to take off that little jingly toy

On his tail because, you know, we are going stealth.

But Aleksei stood firm, that toy is my wealth.

Given to me by my very own boy.

I’ll not part with it, not even for this ride

I’ll stay home on Christmas Eve, and lay down beside

Him and be petted my head in his lap

And keep him safe while you two wander the night

So they left the North Pole,

Kiska and Devka with tokens of their upcoming flight.

Aleksei with none, but still his tail stood tall,

To know that he got his human and him human had him

To snuggle all night, the best Christmas present of all.